I WANT TO DREAM…
of a life, of a world…
where I’m free from the bondage of mental illness.
There, I’m free from my limitations, and the world is mine. My energy is limitless; nothing overwhelms me. Whatever I put my mind to, I can do.
I have dreamed of this world since I was a little girl.
Back then, no one knew childhood fears could also be lifelong fears. I never heard of Anxiety, but I felt a nameless fear inside me that was too big to live with.
So, I imagined my dream world where I was safe and strong; where I feared nothing.
And I moved in. That’s how I coped.
Sometimes, I still do…
I want to dream.
I WANT TO MOVE…
My dream world leaves me, increasingly, dissatisfied. Living there tempts me to be angry with God. Sometimes, I feel cheated because my reality doesn’t measure up.
I know God doesn’t cheat. He doesn’t trick, or betray, or abandon. He is great, and He is good. He is the definition of…
And He bids me live, as I am, in the world He made for me, as it is, where Jesus is my reality, my home.
Where Jesus is my life.
The thief [satan] comes to steal, kill and destroy. I am come that you might have life and have it more abundantly.—John 10:10
From this I learn that no dream world can protect from the enemy who would destroy me; and that no dream world compares with the real life Jesus promises. So, even when my mind feels stretched thin like a rubber band and I’m tempted to fall into the dream, I know it will only fail me. I know Jesus won’t.
I want to move out.
I WANT TO LIVE…
I know Jesus’ promise of abundant, vibrant life is about this life, now, not just the future life after death.
I want to experience that promise.
I want to experience His endurance, the determination that will help me face a task even when it overwhelms me. I want to experience His contentment when I’m tired of my limitations. I want to experience His light of truth when a fog of depression refuses to let me concentrate.
But to do all this, I have to live. Here. Now. In this broken life, not in my dream world.
It’s only in this world where I experience my chains, that I can know His freedom. Everlastingly.
My dream world only offers the shadow of free living, and so it always disappoints.
I really, really want to live.