Awesome, Arrogant, Insecure, Average

Awesome

A few weeks ago, while still under the influence of anesthesia after minor surgery, I dimly recall a nurse looking at my chart and wondering out loud, “Hmmm… Lon… Is that short for something?” To which I enthusiastically, if loopily, replied, “It’s short for AWESOME!”

I’m pretty sure I embarrassed Dawn. It is embarrassing to recall. But it’s funny, too. And laughing at myself is good for me.

Here’s another eye-roller…

Arrogant

I remember a friend in high school telling me in frustration, “Hetrick, you always think you’re right!” To which I said, “Yeah… So? Why would anyone think they’re wrong?”

Makes me cringe to think of it.

That friend was calling out my arrogance, but I couldn’t even recognize it, and didn’t for many more years. (I’m sure I was real fun to live with…)

Insecure

On the other hand, even though I’ve been gainfully employed all my life and love my work, I often experience insecurity about whether I’m making a significant contribution.

So, what’s the deal? Which am I, really, down deep?

All of the above, I’m afraid.

I have moments of thinking too highly of myself, too lowly, and mostly too much. Even when I’m trying to learn humility I’m probably thinking too much of myself.

I’m aware of these faults. I don’t like them. But I can’t fix them. I can’t go to humble school, but I’ve been fed enough humble pie to wish it came a little easier.

How will I ever learn humility?

The best answer I have is to not try to be humble. Seems counter-intuitive, I know, but all trying harder will accomplish will be to make me feel proud of being humble, or insecure about not feeling humble.

Okay, that was confusing…

What I really mean is this: The only way I’ll ever learn humility is by paying attention to someone who truly is awesome in every best sense of the word, who really is always right, but is completely without arrogance.

Say to the daughter of Zion, ‘Behold, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.’ – Matthew 21:5

Today, Palm Sunday, I’m celebrating the triumph of God’s righteous Son, my humble King, who saves me from my delusions of grandeur and insignificance by what He accomplished on a certain Friday and Sunday.

When He returns, I will see Him and be like Him.

But today, by paying attention to Him, I hope to realize what I truly am: just one, average, beloved man.


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2 thoughts on “Awesome, Arrogant, Insecure, Average

  1. Lon,
    Although you are just one, average, beloved man, your posts are awesome. I know this doesn’t help you with your desire to be humble, but I think you need to try to post more often. Your posts are thought provoking in the right direction and we all need that jolt more often.

    Loren

    • Thank you Loren. I haven’t figured out when I can schedule in a regular time to write so I can achieve a 1 post/week goal, but I’ll keep trying.

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