As I write this, I’ve been enjoying a season of peace and quiet in my mind. I have felt relatively “normal”. But today I’m want to share some thoughts I wrote a while ago when I didn’t feel normal that paint a picture of what depression can feel like.
Depression makes me feel lost – the kind of lost you would feel if being caught in a tide that pulls you from shore. You see the shore, but you’re powerless to free yourself from the surf that sucks you further and further away. You begin to panic, fearful of being lost in a sea of dark emotions and turbulent thoughts that carry you further from yourself and your Heavenly Father.
When I feel this way I can’t help but cry out, “God, don’t lose me.”
“Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely, they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you in the palms of my hands.” (Is. 49:15, 16a)
“My sheep hear my voice…neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.” (John 10:27, 28)
This truth gives my feet their footing in the ocean depths. The truth breaks the power of the tide so that it no longer drags me under. My panic subsides, and the fear is gone. I am still in the dark sea of depression, but I am not lost. I won’t drown. My Heavenly Father is holding me in the palm of His hand. My name, my life is engraved there; it is permanent. I can hang on to that truth. It has handles I can grip. Sometimes, it has to be my life preserver.
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