To the average observer, I lead a pretty normal, quiet, “average” life – nice home, nice family, etc. But what the average observer doesn’t see is that I experience recurring cycles of dark depression and frequent, frightening, anxiety attacks. Of course, God is always there to comfort, but…
Sometimes, comfort just isn’t what I want.
I want to be coddled.
When I’m cycling down into a depressed period, my emotions can hurt soooo badly that what I really want is for the pain to go away. I want God to coddle me, pamper me, flatter me that I’m too good to suffer like this. I want Him to do that pouty-lip-baby-talk thing and tell me, “You don’t have to go through this. I love you way too much to let you hurt so bad. I’ll take it away. I’ll make all better.” But, He won’t coddle me.
God offers comfort.
Instead, He looks me in the eye and says, “My grace is sufficient for your present need. My strength is being perfected in you through your present weakness. This is temporary and isn’t worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in you. I will never leave you nor forsake you. No one can pluck you from my hand. Nothing can separate you from My love. I will sing over you and rejoice over you. I am yours and you are mine.”
These promises weave a song of comfort that God asks me to trust even when I feel so much pain. True, He has at times given me the rare and welcome feeling of relief I want. But that’s the exception, most of the time I have to learn to be content with trusting.
For the present…